I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
