I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
