Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
His hands were made for my vagina.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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