come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
