OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
