she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
