I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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