i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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