living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
