you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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