she was so not down for the gang bang
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
