i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
