How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
high people should be assigned attendants
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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