so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
