bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
