Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
