Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
okay pat passed out under dana's car
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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