matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
