Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It's blow job season.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
