After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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