i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
