im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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