I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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