hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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