they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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