On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I supernannyed him into submission
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
