Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
