I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
