Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
