dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Alive.
So much puke
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
