GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
