you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
