Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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