you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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