I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
