so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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