it wasn't lemon gatorade
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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