so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
