Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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