FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
