she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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