Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
