I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
