I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I want a musical about memes.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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