mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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