No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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