The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
