ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
