i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
