she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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